@scarycookies Yes, I did. Said he got $1000 off a $20 bet on the winner of super bowl. Couldn't stay quiet.

What did the ocean say to the sand? Nothing. it just waved.

Guy next to me is trying to tell me all about sportsbetting. So sad he's obviously making things up. Still.undecided if I will call him out

Everyone dies. So, style counts.

Unusual vaginal smell http://t.co/tgyc4wkW

Way too much estrogen in the room... Did I just say that?

@motherawesome hiccups are sobriety's hangover.

@motherawesome it's like he's in high school again

@scarycookies I am of the floss first school.

@motherawesome tacos are like Mexican gyros

who the hell put stop signs at the roundabout? that defeats their greatest advantage

The hell was that?!

Powdered nutella... Dammit. Now what?

Maltodextrin. My kitchen is no longer safe.

You're so vain, I'll bet you think this tweet is about you. Don't you? Don't you?

@rpaulwilson Nuns don't look like nuns so much anymore. Not since Vatican II.

@dcurtis they are great. Which line did you get?